When I was in the fourth grade one Friday, my two friends and I were in the library “studying.” It was the last hour of the day. I don’t remember why we were in there without the rest of the class. I think it was for an assignment. Well, you know how little girls can giggle. And I had to go to the bathroom really, really bad.
The library lady wouldn’t let me take a restroom break since we were only about five minutes til school let out. I made the mistake of telling my friends my…um…situation. That was a mistake. I was already giddy, so everything was funny anyway. They really had something to do now: make Kelly laugh…hard!
What happened next? You guessed it. I peed in my pants!
Mistake number two exited my mouth when I then proceeded to tell my friends. Oh, and of course, they promised to keep it a secret. Right about then the bell rang. My locker was right across from the library so my plan was to run to my locker real quick, tie my jacket’s arms around my waist and jet out the front door to my mom’s car.
Unfortunately, my friends could run faster than someone who had wet pants that wanted to walk discreetly and absolutely normal. By the time I had gotten to the locker area, my accident was already a hot topic. I found out which “friend” snitched on me, and I broke down and cried right there for a couple of minutes.
After I mustered up the courage to leave, I opened one of about ten glass doors to the front of the school to a huge group of kids mocking in a singsong way, “Kelly Hall peed in her pants! Kelly Hall peed in her pants!” led by the snitching ringleader herself. There were kids I didn’t even know joining in. I was mortified as she pointed at me and everyone else followed suit. “TGIF” took new meaning.
I have told that story many times over the years as it has gone down as my most embarrassing moment. I have had to forgive those people more than once, but more than that it has been a reminder to be careful with whom I share private things.
Who do you share your secrets with? It should not be everyone. It should not even be all of your friends. Jesus said not to cast your pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6). Your pearls are the things in your heart that are precious to you, such as your dreams and deep-rooted desires. Not that you can never share a wish with your neighbor’s-cousin’s-best-man-twice-removed while dancing at a wedding. But there is wisdom in not speaking all your mind to just everyone. As Jesus said, you don’t want someone to turn around and rend you, as in shattering the pearls of your heart. Save your secrets for your core people. The ones you know you can trust. The ones who are sincerely for you.
In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking; but he who holds back his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19 MKJV
Levels of Friendships
Throughout your life your friendships have probably changed. People will often come into our lives for only brief intervals. Something that should not change, however, is proper balance in our relationships. We can learn by Jesus’ example in the Bible. He shared more with some than with others:
He shared things with the seventy. (Luke 10)
His circle of friends (Luke 10:23) included the twelve disciples, which he shared with even more.
Then He had a core of three friends that He shared more with than the twelve. They were Peter, James and John (Matthew 17:1, Mark 5:35-37, Mark 14:32-33).
Then there was Jesus’ closest companion, John (John 21:7, 20; John 19:26-27).
What qualities do you look for in your friends? Start by looking at the aspects of friendship the Lord gives us:
- One who will come to you eating humble pie if they have wronged you (Proverbs 6:1-3).
- One that loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17).
- One that is loyal (Proverbs 18:24).
- One that gives sound counsel or advice (Proverbs 27:9).
- One that will tell you the difficult truth (Proverbs 27:17).
- One that will keep your secrets (Proverbs 16:28; Proverbs 17:9).
Look at that list again. Do you possess these qualities as a friend? They are the qualities that make a relationship grow stronger.
After reading this post you may look at the relationships in your life differently. I hope you start with looking at who are in your core group. You probably should pray about it first before quickly listing your three best friends forever from high school. At least one of your core relationships should be someone that is in a mentor-like capacity to you. We are to learn from those who are more spiritually mature than we are. If you are married, one of your core people should be your spouse. What ever you decide, I hope that it does not take an embarrassing moment to remind you to use wisdom while sharing your secrets.